Is crying appropriate in coaching or only for therapy?

Whilst most people understand that coaching and therapy are different, exactly where the line sits - and what is appropriate or ethical in each space - is often less clear. As a result, there is often confusion about whether crying belongs in coaching or only therapy.

ADHD coaching and big emotions

People commonly seek ADHD coaching when receiving an adult diagnosis of ADHD.

It is important to understand that an adult diagnosis of ADHD is not a neutral experience.

It would be wonderful to think you could simply shrug your shoulders and say, “oh, it wasn’t me, it was ADHD all along” and that be it. But it isn’t. A diagnosis, whilst validating, does not relieve all the challenges of the years before. It can come with grief, relief, anger, and challenges to our sense of identity.

In addition to this, for those with ADHD, emotions can arrive faster, feel stronger, or last longer. Emotional flooding can occur where even positive emotions, if too many or too strong, become overwhelming.

And for someone who has been challenged, dismissed, or had others question the legitimacy of their emotions (as most ADHDers have), crying may feel like something to be monitored and controlled - “is it ok to cry here? Am I overreacting?” You may have learned to hide or suppress your emotions, or feel you must explain to others why you are responding in that way.

All of this tension makes crying a common response for late diagnosed ADHDers.

Should you avoid crying in coaching sessions?

Coaching is at least one space where you do not have to hide how you feel. Many people assume the presence of tears automatically changes the nature of the conversation but in coaching we recognise that strong emotional reactions carry information. They are often signposts of what matters.

• Crying can occur when discussing meaningful change, loss, fear, or relief.

• It can also happen when people feel safe and seen.

Therefore emotions are not a side issue but a basic and essential part of being human.

The important part is not whether tears appear, but what the session becomes - and the responsibility for guiding this sits with the coach, not the client.

The difference between coaching and therapy

If emotions and emotional topics are welcome in both spaces, how do you know which would be best for you at the time? This is a common concern, especially for clients who have been in therapy before.

Coaching and therapy are different. The exact line between them is still debated, but a simple way to think about it is this:

Therapy tends to focus more on the past and may involve processing and resolving earlier experiences, particularly trauma, mental health conditions, or longstanding patterns.

Coaching focuses more on the present and future. It supports awareness, action, integration, decision-making, and change. Past experiences may be referenced, but coaching does not involve trauma processing or revisiting events in depth. Instead, the focus is on understanding current patterns and moving forward. Emotions are part of that because humans are emotional beings.

Therapy and coaching can also work very well alongside each other.

Many clients gain insight and clarity in therapy, then bring those insights into coaching. Coaching can help translate awareness into action, especially through an ADHD-informed lens that takes nervous system needs, energy, motivation, and capacity seriously.

You do not have to choose one or the other or complete one before the other. Which is right for you depends on your needs, your capacity, and the approach of the specific coach or therapist.

What topics are appropriate for coaching?

Coaching can include:

• Workplace challenges but also…

• Life plans and career transitions

• Relationships, furture planning, social life, hobbies, health, wellbeing, meaning and purpose

• Understanding ADHD and the ways it may shape someone’s experience of the world

Caveat - what is covered in coaching or therapy can also depend on the individual practitioner and their approach.

Do you need to worry about crossing the therapy line in coaching?

The good news - you do not need to monitor and manage everything that comes up. That would be exhausting and would make it difficult to be present in the session.

That responsibility sits with the coach.

A good coach will guide the conversation safely and ethically. Whilst they may support you in discussing difficult topics, they will not ask you to recall or process traumatic events in detail.

And if something arises that would be better supported in therapy, a good coach will help guide the conversation appropriately staying within the coaching space and recommend additional support where needed. This means that whilst trauma processing itself is not typically part of coaching, coaching can still be appropriate for people who have experienced trauma.

Your job in coaching

Bring the topics, concerns, and hopes that feel important to you at that time.

And don’t leave your emotions at the door. Bring them with you and share them when and if you feel comfortable to do so.

You do not need to monitor whether your reactions are “correct” or explain why you are experiencing an emotion.

✨Just be and let someone else hold the structure for a change.